Less than before

"Kattia, I love you and I will never be disappointed in you, but I would be disappointed for you.”

I will never forget that moment, staring at the computer screen, willing tears not to come to my eyes. The words in that email from my father will forever be etched in my mind. I had just asked my dad a question that plagued my soul: “Am I enough for this?”

I still remember the day when I decided to go on a mission. I was sleeping and a quick thought of emergency came to my mind: "Kattia, you should go on a mission". I knew it was Heavenly Father talking to me. So, I called my mom to tell her I was going on a mission, but she said no. However, I filled out my papers in just a few weeks without having any money but just the faith that Heavenly Father would provide if that was His will. -Not going to lie... it was! I was a little bit concerned about going to the dentist. I heard that it was usually very expensive. So, I went to a dentist office located in Salt Lake, Utah where I asked the doctor: "How much do I need to pay for all of this?" and yes, you are right, he said, "you do not need to pay, it would be so unfair. You'll serve our Lord for 18 months. I cannot do that!". I gave him a huge hug, I knew it was Heavenly Father again, so I thanked him with tears in my eyes. I called my mom to tell her this miracle and she said, "it's up to you". She wasn't happy neither sad for me. Everyone thought I was crazy for all of the things I was doing such us going back to my country, leaving the University where I got a scholarship, and rejecting that "just for a mission?". It wasn't fair for most people, specially my family.

I thought that things would be easier for me after that, but of course I was completely wrong. I started asking Heavenly Father: "Do I really need to go?". I was losing the desire I had at the beginning, my faith was there but still was hard. Satan was and is still working. I knew it wasn't Heavenly Father, so I continued. Nowadays, I have nothing, but just the desire to serve my Father in Heaven. I know He lives, and I want people to know that. I want them to know that there's still hope in a world where seems just to be darkness. Missions are hard. Life is hard. And there are times when it seems so, so impossible. But there is light at the end of that tunnel; I know there is. I’ve lost sight of it before and believed it wasn’t there, but it ALWAYS is. Because God is there. He is real and He can help. Please let Him. 

I have just a couple weeks left before I can really savor what being a representant of Jesus Christ is. All I can say is:

Heavenly Father truly loves us, He really does. Jesus Christ died for each of us. We do not have to be perfect in order to become a faithful disciple but just the desire to become better day by day. So, are we willing to go beyond our comfort zones and venture into new, unfamiliar territory? Will we do our best to mourn with the wounded souls of others, even if we don’t know what to do and can offer little relief? Or will we stay where things are sunny and pleasant, watch the storms rage on the other side of the road? I know we will be inspired to bring those struggling to the one who can heal them, the Savior of the world. 

1 John 4:9 "This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him." God showed His love to us by sending His Son, Jesus Christ, into the world that we might live through him. Along the same lines, John 3:16 tells us: "For God so loved the world that he gave........" No hay manera de dudar de su gran amor por sus hijos. I know all of this without any doubt. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.